Power Rankings: Week 9

Was that not the worst fantasy football weekend ever? Only two teams were north of 120! 7 teams (yes, 7 teams) failed to reach triple digits. Brad’s 140 point outburst made the rest of the league look like scrubs.

The playoff narrative is becoming more and more compelling with each passing week. Brad and Z managed to tie things up with Cole, while Kyle and Devon are on the outside looking in. Henry and Bacich are hanging on by a thread, while Ryan and Stain enjoy their last few weeks in hospice care.

Only 5 weeks remain!

1. Tua Tagovailoa (8-1)

   Last Week: 2nd

   I really wanted to keep you at #2 purely out of spite, but I’ll concede this time. An ugly win is a victory all the same, and this particular W leaves Chet alone atop the standings. On deck is a monumental matchup against Tony Goast who’s suddenly missing an RB2. Major First Round BYE implications at stake.

2. Tony Goast (7-2)

   Last Week: 1st

   Woof. It was a brutal Sunday for most of us, but even more so for this squad. That makes four straight weeks of Kyle-esque scoring, which is slightly concerning. But the names on the scorecard tell me it’s just a matter of bad fortune. With that said, replacing Chase Edmonds will be difficult, and has anyone found MikeDub? His face will be posted on milk cartons soon enough.

3. Keep Serup In My Kupp (5-4)

   Last Week: 3rd

   In case you haven’t noticed the theme, just about everyone sucked this week. John’s playoff cushion took a slight hit, but this roster is far more talented than the bottom eight. A Claypool absence would be detrimental to a shallow receiving corps, but Brandon Aiyuk’s performance was a sight for sore eyes. Big Week 10 matchup coming up, against a hemorrhaging Peeping Tom squad.

4. Peeping Toms (7-2)

   Last Week: 4th

   Lord Henry’s foot, and now this crap? Is this what mediocrity feels like? I feel vulnerable and threatened - so I’m going to project my insecurities at you by bragging that this was only my 10th regular season loss since the league’s inception three and a half seasons ago. And I’m still the highest scoring team in the league!!!! …Ahhhh, there. I feel better now.

5. The Steamers (5-4)

   Last Week: 6th

   Quite literally the only team worthy of a champagne pop in Week 9. With Derrick Henry sidelined, Jonathan Taylor might just be the best back in fantasy football. Who would’ve thought? Kittle is on the field again, Kenyan Drake is looking more and more like a viable FLEX, and the NFL’s Leading Narcissist should be fully “immunized” by Week 10. B-Rad is rad.

6. Z-Unit (5-4)

   Last Week: 7th

   Wow wow wee wow. HUGE win for a team in the midst of a four game skid. It maintains a one game cushion in the playoff picture, with a flurry of clubs nipping at Z’s heels. With the way he’s been playing, Chase Edmonds’ ankle sprain promotes James Conner to a high RB2 for the foreseeable future. Huge.

7. Erect Woods (4-5)

   Last Week: 9th

   Cordarrelle Patterson just keeps doing his thing! Travis Kelce has easily been the TE1, but his numbers are down a bit compared to last year (we’re looking at you Mr. Mahomes). It’d be nice to see he and Kyler Murray return to full form, but at least Robert Woods is back in shape! Week 10 brings on a massive bout against a 5-4 club vying for playoff positioning. Kyle’s relevancy pursuit is alive and well!

8. Amar(w)i gonna call an uber? (3-6)

   Last Week: 5th

   This is the fourth highest scoring team in the league, which bodes well in the event of a tiebreaker situation. Even without Davante Adams, y’all can’t afford to sleep on this lineup. And who knows - Russ’s imminent return just might make Tyler Lockett a WR2 again. Can’t afford to eat many more L’s though!

9. Hammered Uncle Hanks (3-6)

   Last Week: 8th

   Alrighty, Hank. It’s looking like you too have to win out. The good news is that you may control your own destiny, as each opponent from here on out is vying for a playoff spot. Not a great time for a Joe Mixon BYE though. Clutch up, fam.

10. A Stainers (2-7)

    Last Week: 10th

    6 straight L’s. Yikes. Let’s chalk up this season as a championship hangover. This wasn’t exactly how Stain drew things up, and now the Championship Plaque will all but certainly hang on someone else’s wall in 2022. RIP.

11. Hop On This Dick (3-6)

    Last Week: 11th

    Well, I’ll be damned. I stand by the belief FACT that this team is burnt toast, but 3-6 keeps things interesting! Still two games back in the playoff picture with a mountain of teams to overtake, winning out still needs to be a priority.

12. RYE Week (2-7)

    Last Week: 12th

    The season is over, but did it feel good to drag somebody down with you along the way? I bet beating Stain was the highlight of your weekend. It’s not like anything else happened!