Power Rankings: Week 13
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.
PETE: Win, and you’re in. You can lose, as long as you maintain your ~82 point scoring margin over Kyle and Mike/Chet.
BRAD: Win, and you’re in. Lose, and you’re (probably) out.
MIKE/CHET: Y’all need a W, and a loss from Brad. You also need Kyle to lose, or outscore him by 6.52 points.
KYLE: Same as above. Need a W, a loss from Brad, and a loss from Chet/Mike (or maintain your 6.52 point lead over them).
It’s been an honor and a privilege to serve this season. This is just too much fun.
Bacich (8-5)
Last Week: 5th
HAVE. A. DAY. Nearly breaking the single week GLOAT scoring record is one heck of a statement to make as the playoff painting begins to dry. The loss of Christian Watson will hardly be felt, as he was filling in for DJ Moore anyway. Locking down the second BYE spot would be a welcome breather, but the rest of us should be praying Bacich’s dream doesn’t come to fruition - because Peter might be doubling down on rings in 2024!
Case (10-3)
Last Week: 2nd
Well boys, the Raider of the Lost Trophy (Indian Jones reference for you nerds out there), secured himself a first round BYE for the second time in two years. Injuries have become somewhat of a nuisance lately, but the roster has so much depth that Case hasn’t even noticed. I’m actively rooting against anyone who already has a ring, so here’s to hoping Case’s championship aspirations are cast aside like a Christmas tree in January.
Austin (8-5)
Last Week: 4th
Speaking of GM’s I’m actively rooting against! The stainmaker has assured his second consecutive playoff berth after collecting W’s in three consecutive weeks. It’s hard to be enthusiastic about Diontae Johnson (or any Steeler for that matter) without Kenny Chain Link under center, but the strength of this team has become RB depth. Montgomery, Pacheco, and Saquon is an appealing three-headed monster. Hell, even old man Zeke (he’s our age lol) has relevance now that Rhamondre is out. I hate it, but Stain is very much in the mix.
Tom (9-4)
Last Week: 6th
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS IN THE MIX? CHURRRRRR BOYYYY. The GOAT is one win away from securing his fifth first round BYE in six seasons. You read that right - I’ve never played in the first round before. Not once! Pitty City, Deebo, and Olave Dressing round out what might be the sneakiest WR trio in the league, and Rachaad White’s volume gives Mike irritable bowel syndrome every Sunday. What does it feel like to be irrelevant? I guess I’ll never know.
Mike & Chet (6-7)
Last Week: 1st
Collect yourself. This isn’t the time for panic. Actually - *takes another look at the standings* - PANIC. FIRE! FIRE! PANIC. Tank Dell is no more, Breece Hall is trapped in an offense led by QB Scrub McBunk, and Jefferson still hasn’t returned. There’s no doubting this uber-talented roster has the tools to make a run, but all of a sudden they find themselves on the outside looking in, in dire need of a Week 14 victory. Not only that, but they’ll require a loss from Brad and a loss from Kyle (or at least overcome the slim deficit in total points scored). Gentlemen, it’s looking bleak.
Brad (7-6)
Last Week: 3rd
Ruh roh! It all comes down to Week 14, and you control your own destiny. It’s simple - win and you’re in. Lose, and either Chet or Kyle will cut you in line for the playoff party. It’s time for the costar of the New Heights podcast to be better than the TE2. Unacceptable. It wouldn’t hurt if Adam Thielen got back to his first half self either. Either way - the pressure is on! Clear eyes, full hearts.
Pete (7-6)
Last Week: 7th
Austin Ekeler is WASHED, but Mike Evans is DIRTY. Then man collects 1,000 yard seasons the same way Pete collects firearms. Frequently. While not yet secure, Pete has the advantage of posting 80+ more points scored than the likes of Kyle & the Burlingame Boys. So Pete can lose this weekend - he just can’t get blown out. Once he’s in, this is a crew that can do some damage!
Kyle (6-7)
Last Week: 11th
In a year where the improbable has happened, the IMPOSSIBLE has become POSSIBLE. Kyle (yes, Kyle) has won four straight matchups and stormed his way into the playoff hunt. D.K. Metcalf took a break from being booboo and is standing on business once again. McCaffrey has done nothing but TCB all season long, as has Keenan Allen despite his pedestrian Sunday. Harwood is knocking on the door! And I tell you want - nobody wants to play this guy in Round 1.
Ryan (5-7-1)
Last Week: 8th
This is your fault. A self-fulfilling prophecy. You spoke your failure into existence. As far as eliminated teams go, these boys are more competitive than most. With that said, RyGuy won't have much of an opportunity to play spoiler in Week 14 as his opponent has already secured a playoff spot. It’s a sad day. A bad day.
Devon (4-9)
Last Week: 9th
People are starting to murmur, Devon. The playoff slump has been stretched to five years! The “I won a ring” argument will always be valid in my book, but the brand is being questioned. Let the Canty ‘24 campaign begin.
Cole (4-9)
Last Week: 12th
What else is there to say? Cole is the Bandaid Boy. The man has more medical claims data than UnitedHealthcare.
Hank (3-9-1)
Last Week: 10th
Henry summed it up perfectly; “the best worst team of all time”. I hate to break it to you, but back-to-back basement finishes is very much in the cards.
