Power Rankings: Week 3

And just like that, we’re roughly a quarter of the way through the fantasy football regular season. With just one undefeated team remaining, this is still anyone’s crown. As Hen pointed out last week, this is a seriously balanced league - which should make the playoff race stressful as hell. Cheers to the fun kind of stress!

1. Moore Crow-Bell (3-0)

   Last Week: 1st

   The last remaining undefeated team in the league! Which is especially crazy considering RyRy’s 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 8th round picks have missed seven games combined. I hate Mr. Unlimited with a burning heat, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t cooking with gas right now. For God’s sake, this GM is 3-0! He can drink legally!

2. Hammered Hanks (2-1)

   Last Week: 3rd

   This is quickly becoming the strongest and the deepest receiving corps in the entire league. And you know what? I’m officially ready to call D-Hop my new WR1 on the season. With Dalvin cookin’ and George Kittle coming back from injury, this is going to be a banger of a team. How the f*ck is Dion Lewis your second best tailback though?

3. A Stainers (2-1)

   Last Week: 4th

   With Davante Adams nursing a hammy, Baby Daddy Mahomes almost pulled off the comeback of the season. Unfortunately, it was Mahomes’ success against Stain’s own Ravens D/ST that cannibalized a real shot at victory. Nonetheless, the team is third in scoring thanks in large part to fantasy football’s newest RB1; the iced out Alvin Kamara. If Sean McVay fully commits to one of Stain’s three Rams tailbacks, then we’ll all need to invest in some Tide To Go.

4. John Brown (2-1)

   Last Week: 5th

   Let’s all take a moment to recognize Chet’s highest power ranking in his young fantasy tenure (queue light applause). And for good reason! The second highest scoring team in the league offers a formidable one-two punch in Austin Ekeler and CEH, and Tyler Lockett’s early dominance is more than welcomed considering John Brown himself might be missing time. Side note: humor yourself by taking a look at Mike Evans’ stats on Sunday.

5. Peter’s Team (1-2)

   Last Week: 2nd

   Week 1 was fantastic, Week 2 was aight, and Week 3 was pretty stinky. We’re trending in the wrong direction here, but this team is far too talented to start panicking. Josh Jacobs and Mark Andrews will bounce back, and Diggs could be in line for more targets with John Brown banged up. But here’s the thing, you don’t want to be 1-3. Considering the team’s shallow bench, losing JuJu to a COVID postponement would sting like a motherf*cker.

6. Still T.O.M. (2-1)

   Last Week: 7th

   The stock is climbing, y’all! Who needs CMC anway? We got Mike Davis holding it down tight. With Keenan Allen boasting a 37% market share over the past two weeks, and with ARob getting on the right track, this receiving corps is looking stronger by the minute. But make no mistake about who the true hero on this team is; undrafted rookie RB James Robinson. JRob and Mike Davis (16th and 18th round picks) are single handedly saving this season. Research pays off folks!

7. #1 Team in all of HMB (2-1)

   Last Week: 8th

   Before you have a hissy fit again, let me start by saying this is a really good team. It’s an extremely talented lineup up and down, bench included. But it’s still the third lowest scoring team in the league, and a pair of frustrating Buccaneers are capping the potential right now. Hopefully Chris Godwin will be back soon, but it’s clear Bruce Arians loves to toy with fantasy owners. After Leonard Fournette balled in Week 2, Arians blue-balled everyone by giving Fournette just 7 carries on Sunday. If/when Fournette wins the job outright, this’ll be a team to be reckoned with.

8. Terra Nova Tigers (1-2)

   Last Week: 6th

   After losing Michael Thomas, Raheem Mostert, and Parris Campbell in Weeks 1 and 2, TNT then lost Dallas Goedert and Tarik Cohen in Week 3. Call it retribution, call it bad karma, call it what you want - but this team is getting absolutely railed. But with any luck, Mostert and Thomas’ imminent returns will get the season back on track. Shipping Robert Woods for Todd Gurley was an interesting move because it doesn’t strike me as a huge difference maker, though it’ll ultimately be dictated by injuries as both players hold similar value.

9. Bounceback Szn (1-2)

   Last Week: 12th

   Damn, doesn’t 1-2 sound a hell of a lot better than 0-3? JC put on his hardhat last week and went to work, shipping Todd Gurley for Robert Woods, then Marquise Brown and TY Hilton for Kenny Golladay. Both of which were excellent moves. WR was a major weakness on the roster, now it’s closer to a strength. Once this team finds consistent production from the WR/TE and FLEX spots, this squad could be an early season dark horse candidate.

10. The Steamers (0-3)

    Last Week: 10th

    Can I interest you in a donkey-kick to the groin? How ‘bout a karate chop to the jugular? Oh, both? Here you are sir! That’s basically what’s happening to BK. The team is 5th in the league in scoring, having averaged 141.5 PPG the past two weeks. An 0-3 record with those point totals is almost criminal. But when your opponent is averaging 152.6 PPG against you, what else can you do but roll over and take the beating. With all that said, this is far too good of a team to end up in this position. The W’s will come.

11. Brees In The Trap (0-3)

    Last Week: 11th

    Look at this roster. Then look at it again. Tell me how this isn’t a decent team. Joe Mixon is off to a slow start, Lamar has been uncharacteristically mediocre recently, and Mark Ingram is infuriating fantasy owners across the country. But Calvin Ridley is flaming hot, Tyler Boyd looks awesome, and even Robby Anderson looks like a serious WR2 candidate. Brighter days are ahead, you must trust the process. Here’s a free piece of fantasy advice though for a winless team; you don’t need to roster 2 QBs behind Lamar Jackson. You’re never going to start Brees or Wentz over the reigning MVP (especially with the way they’re playing). So drop one or two of those fools for someone who might provide value later on.

12. Z-Unit (2-1)

    Last Week: 9th

    Womp womp. But hey, 2-1! It’s just really hard to be optimistic about these guys. They’re near the bottom of the league in scoring, and now the team’s best player is banged up with a knee injury. Diontae Johnson is looking like a real find, but now he’s in concussion protocol and the Steelers game might be postponed anyway. If this team has any hope of staying around .500, the newly acquired WR duo of TY Hilton and Marquise Brown need to get things going in a major way.