Power Rankings: Week 6

The gap between the top and the bottom of the league is beginning to widen. But for the most part, nearly the entire league is jockeying for position in a tight playoff race. May the best horse win…

1. Moore Crow-Bell (6-0)

   Last Week: 1st

   W. W. W. W. W. W. At this point, RyGuy can kick back and watch us scratch and claw for a playoff spot he’s essentially already bagged. Now the name of the game is to stay healthy, and tack on a few more wins to secure a first round BYE. But with Julio and A.J. Brown back and vibin’, the latter shouldn’t be much of a challenge.

2. Hammered Uncle Hanks (5-1)

   Last Week: 2nd

   Back to back brutal BYE weeks makes the roster more vulnerable than usual, so these are the matchups the rest of the league needs to capitalize on. Because at full strength, it’s a tough bunch to KO. Dalvin Cook’s groin and RB depth appear to be the only visible achilles heel.

3. A Stainers (4-2)

   Last Week: 4th

   One could argue that Pat, AK, and Adams are the very best at their respective positions. That trio alone could easily put together 70+ points week in and week out. Then we gotta consider the recent dominance of RoJo and seemingly the last standing Philadelphia Eagle, Travis Fulgham. Not a team to be f*cked with.

4. Still T.O.M. (4-2)

   Last Week: 3rd
   “Oh no! Tom made a trade! Veto! Veto! Veto!” F*ck outta here with that crap. Yeah, so I turned Julian Edelman and TJ Hockenson into Cooper Kupp. So what? ARob, Keenan, ‘Keep Purple in My Kupp’, and DJ Chark make up one of the best receiving groups in the league. Paired with a stellar RB trio and the current QB1, this is a team with championship aspirations. The Week 6 L is in the past like a ponytail.

5. #1 Team in all of HMB (3-3)

   Last Week: 6th

   This man barters like he’s a medieval peasant. And to his credit, he hasn’t been burned yet. Navigating Chris Godwin’s extended absences have been a challenge, and now it looks as though he’ll be asked to do the same with Miles Sanders. But at 3-3, you can’t hate the team’s outlook. The newly acquired WR duo of Jules and Slayton are gonna have to step up big time in Week 7 against a revamped Brees In The Trap.

6. Terra Nova Tigers (2-4)

   Last Week: 5th

   L’s always hurt. But that one was especially painful against a depleted opponent. On paper, this isn’t a 2-4 team. Luckily, Michael Thomas’s supposed return will provide a much needed shot in the arm. McKinnon will carry the load during Mostert’s stint on the IR, and fantasy managers around the world rejoiced after Drake’s big night in Dallas. The margin for error is narrowing, but these boys have the talent to make a run. Maybe even win the Skull Game.

7. Brees In The Trap (2-4)

   Last Week: 9th

   Ignore the haters. This team has better receiving and tailback options than most other team’s in the league. At 2-4, fresh off of a must-win victory, they’re right back in this thing. And up next is a talented yet short-staffed opponent in Week 7. Even with a tough slough of BYE’s, this is a gargantuan opportunity to shake up the standings and change the course of the season. You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

8. John Brown (3-3)

   Last Week: 8th

   Like Verlander on the mound in Game 5 of the 2013 ALDS, it’s not looking good for this A’s fan. No one knows when Ekeler is gonna return, and CEH’s volume is bound to take a hit following the Chief’s acquisition of Le’Veon Bell. Thankfully, D’Andre Swift looked fantastic coming off a BYE, and you still have to respect a team with Lockett, Evans, and Waller coming at you. But beyond those guys, it’s pretty bleak. At 3-3 though, who knows! Anything can happen.

9. The Steamers (1-5)

   Last Week: 7th

   I just can’t make sense of it. With just 18.5 less points scored than the league’s sole remaining undefeated team, bad luck is an understatement. So don’t let the 1-5 record fool you. The playoffs are still within reach, but anymore than 1 more loss would essentially be a nail in the coffin. But with Derrick Henry digging graves for defenders and Deebo returning to form, how can we count these guys out?

10. Lord Beer Me Strength (2-4)

    Last Week: 11th

    That little stunt you pulled in Week 6 might have been a season-saver. With only one real threatening RB on the roster behind the injured Nick Chubb, the team is going to be asking a ton of their receiving counterparts. But good news; Golladay and Woods are legit, Higgins is playing like a true WR2, and Henry Ruggs’ explosiveness rivals that of Tyreek Hill. And oh yeah, that guy Travis Kelce is aight too. Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive! Stayin’ alive!

11. Z-Unit (3-3)

    Last Week: 12th

    HUGE win. Huge. The team needs serious work, and a roll of the dice with Brandin Cooks and AJ Green could be a good start. Departing with Devin Singletary is a risk, but necessary. With Chris Carson coming off a BYE, and Boston Scott taking over as lead back in Philly, Z-Unit has the chance to essentially kill off a dying 1-5 opponent.

12. Peter’s Team (1-5)

    Last Week: 10th

    Let the record show that I actually don’t think this is the worst team in the league. But after a 5 game skid, it’s pretty shaky. So alright pal. This is it. You gotta win this game to stay in the hunt. The team has the talent to make a playoff push, but one a Week 7 loss would then require a 6 game win streak. JuJu needs to put his big boy pants on, and the impeccable duo of Jones and Jacobs need to carry the load against an injury-depleted Z-Unit squad. Death is knocking, don’t answer the door.