Pre-Draft Table Setter
C - O - U - G - A - R - S, COUGAR, PRIDE, ALWAYS.
Gentlemen, welcome back.
Get hyped, it’s almost Draft Day.
Season 4 is upon us. That means most of us have played 39 regular season games, with the exception of a few of us who’ve only been involved the previous two seasons (R.I.P. Phil, Pete, & Max). With so many games played, I thought it would be fun to put together a review of where each of us stands as a General Manager.
Who has the most to prove this season? Who is on the hot seat?
Brad
All-Time Record: 21-18
All-Time PPG: 127.3
2018 Scoring Title
After a strong 2018 & 2019, B-Rad was B-Bad in 2020. Actually, he just redefined the term ‘bad luck’. The poor chap fell just 1.3 points shy of another Scoring Title, yet the second-highest scoring team in the league somehow earned a measly 4-9 record. It’s Revenge Season.
Tom
All-Time Record: 31-8
All-Time PPG: 125.8
2019 Champion
2019 GM of the Year
2020 Scoring Title
Daddy’s home. 31-8 with a resume no one can hold a candle to. F*ck humility, I’m top two, and I’m not two.
Austin
All-Time Record: 24-15
All-Time PPG: 123.8
2020 Champion
Behold - your reigning fantasy champion. Stain had already established himself as a perennial contender, but last years ‘chip' elevates him into the elite tier. I pray that a repeat isn’t in the cards, or we’ll never hear the end of it.
Henry
All-Time Record: 23-16
All-Time PPG: 123.3
2019 Scoring Title
2020 GM of the Year
Stud. Three straight seasons over .500, two straight playoff runs, and fresh off a finals appearance. Hen is one championship shy of being in the GOAT conversation. He’s quite literally the Allen Iverson of our generation.
Ryan
All-Time Record: 26-13
All-Time PPG: 120.7
The Groom has quietly dominated each of the last three seasons; 9-4, 7-6, and 10-3. But the playoffs have been far from a honeymoon, having reached the semis just once in three attempts. Go get the monkey off your back!
Bacich
All-Time Record: 11-15
All-Time PPG: 113.7
Despite a disappointing finish in 2020, Bacich’s push for the final playoff spot deserves a gentle golf clap. Entering his third year in the league, there’s reason for optimism to get over the hump and claim a winning record. I wish I could say the same about the Eagles.
Case
All-Time Record: 9-17
All-Time PPG: 112.2
Somehow our representative from the PNW has escaped staunch ridicule for owning the league’s second worst winning percentage. Pays to be a nice guy I guess :) Better start winning soon though, or you’ll be approaching Harwood territory.
Cole
All-Time Record: 17-22
All-Time PPG: 111.1
Well, at least we know the Commish isn’t rigging anything! Coming off his best season with a 7-6 record, JC Watts has never been dominant, nor has he ever been bad. But few are as dedicated to the craft, so a big season is coming soon.
Kyle
All-Time Record: 13-26
All-Time PPG: 108.2
Certified L Boy. I for one can’t wait to see how this team inevitably implodes in the coming months! In all seriousness - it’s ‘win now’ mode. Otherwise this comedy is going to start looking more like a horror movie.
Chet
All-Time Record: 11-15
All-Time PPG: 106.5
Chetttttttyyy! The man saves lives for a living, but so far he’s been incapable of saving his own (in the context of fantasy football of course). No grotesque seasons or anything, just “ehh”. It’s time to flip the script and make a name for yourself. On a side note, I rest easier at night knowing we have you to perform the heimlich next time Ryan chokes down the stretch.
Devon
All-Time Record: 18-21
All-Time PPG: 106.5
2018 Champion
The biggest cojones in HMB. We’ve all received Devon’s patented overly-aggressive (almost impulsive) trade offers. But hey, the man has a title belt to back it all up. Coming off a miserable 2020, a season in which he owned the league’s worst record, Big Balls Canty is hunting for a bounceback.
Z-Unit
All-Time Record: 19-20
All-Time PPG: 104.0
Ghost in the groupchat, but very much alive in the season standings. We’ve yet to see a truly dominant season from Z-Unit, but he hasn’t crashed and burned yet either. Steady Eddy, baby. Don’t sleep on Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
GOOD LUCK, BOYS!
Stay tuned for a big surprise on Saturday morning…
