Power Rankings: Week 1
First of all, what a weekend that was. The stale hot air from the Avocado Escape paired with a dull yet consistent hangover had me feeling like a piece of poo all weekend, but that was as much fun as I’ve had in months. I love you fools - can’t wait for the 2022 Draft Weekend. SD again? Tahoe? Out of state??? No matter where we go, Brad and I will surely dominate the Beer Die table.
As for the Power Rankings, Week 1 is tough. Or maybe I’m just rusty. So please refrain from being too fussy/excited about your placement. 9 (yes, 9) teams scored over 129 points in Week 1. That’s pretty insane, so you should expect for some major power ranking movements once scores, rosters, and records start to take shape.
Before I forget - if you haven’t yet, send Geoff a text this week to thank him for his cameo video. He was STOKED to do it, and he should hear how much we all loved it.
Anyway, away we go!
HaHa Cl*t n’ D*x (0-1)
It takes some serious cojones to start a draft with three straight WRs - but I’ll be damned if it didn’t work out. To snag 3 WR1’s in Davante Adams, Jet Jefferson, & Amari Cooper - then triple up on 3 solid tailbacks in Josh Jacobs, Darrell Henderson, and Damien Harris - that’s just nice. Who cares about a Week 1 L? This squad has bigger fish to fry.
Best Pick: Jacobs & Henderson
X Factor: Jacobs & Henderson
Z-Unit (1-0)
To be entirely honest, I don’t love listing Z this high in the ranks. In fact, most everyone on Draft Day questioned the legitimacy of this roster. But how can you argue with the results? Thielen balled in the absence of Irv Smith, Cooks saw a healthy target load (even in a positive game script), and AK did his thing. The team has serviceable depth, and lacks a true “weakness” other than TE. Wow wow wee wow.
Best Pick: Brandin Cooks
X Factor: Myles Gaskin
Peeping Toms (1-0)
Same old, same old! Even with pedestrian performances from studs like Herby and Henry, the gang still managed to light up the scoreboard. At this rate, no other team in the league will get close to matching the volume these two RB1’s will post - and the young WR corps saw elite-level targets with solid production. If Tyler Higbee stays involved in the Butthole City passing game, and the stars stay healthy, Tommy Boy might be back for another Tommy Boy season.
Best Pick: Joe Mixon
X Factor: Tyler Higbee
Tua Tagovailoa (1-0)
Behold - the highest scoring team in Week 1. “Why the hell am I ranked 4th then?” Shut up, Chet. It’s only because you’ll be without Jerry Jeudy for a while. I love this team when healthy, so replacing Jeudy’s production will be imperative. Chubb and Montgomery may not be the sexiest duo in the league, but they very well might be a top three backfield. With Dak firing on all cylinders and Jamar Chase able to see/catch the ball, this roster has the makings of a real playoff contender.
Best Pick: David Montgomery
X Factor: Jerry Jeudy’s Replacement
Hammered Hanks (0-1)
Mr. McCaffrey is something else, isn’t he? So is Baby Kyler for that matter - the cutest runner in all of football. CEH will turn it on soon, so there’s no cause for alarm there. And T.J. Hockenson looked like he may have been the steal of the draft on Sunday. The key to success will be consistent productivity out of the WR trio - which could be a lot to ask from three of the most “hot-or-cold” wideouts in all of football.
Best Pick: T.J. Hockenson
X Factor: WR Productivity
A Stainers (1-0)
He’s a tough stain to remove. With less than 20 points scored combined across all three RBs, it makes this 130 point performance all the more impressive. It certainly helps that all three wideouts and Logan Thomas found the endzone - which won’t always be the case - but DK, Tee, and Waddle certainly offer enticing upside albeit with volatile market shares. If Zeke and Mikey D get going, Hag may be adding to his bag.
Best Pick: Patrick Mahomes
X Factor: Javonte Williams
Tony Brown Town (1-0)
This is a good team. But it could have been a GREAT team had you just waited 2-3 more rounds for AB!!! Imagine throwing in a Robert Woods / Cooper Kupp / George Kittle there instead. But hey, that’s still a nice Week 1. Devonta Smith’s debut was extremely promising, Chase Edmonds showed he could be a nice low-end RB2, and Tyreek Hill showcased why he’s the scariest player in all of fantasy. I’ll be anxious to see what this roster looks like in two months with Michael Thomas back on the field.
Best Pick: Devonta Smith
X Factor: Chase Edmonds
Hop on this D*ck (1-0)
“JAMAL WILLIAMS! JAMAL WILLIAMS!” STFU. This is a solid team that saw a lot of peak performances in Week 1. I’d be willing to bet that Jamal and Gronk hit their 2021 ceilings in Week 1, which is concerning for an RB group that just lost Raheem Mostert for the season. Saquon is gonna have to step up in a bigggg way, and you better hope and pray that Old Man Ingram holds on to that lead role in Houston. Otherwise you’re looking at an early RB emergency.
Best Pick: Tyler Lockett
X Factor: Saquon Barkley
Moore Crow-Bell (0-1)
SO. CLOSE. Darren Waller is a target hog and fantasy beast, but fell just one catch shy of edging out Z-Unit for a Week 1 victory. Similar to other squads who started off on the wrong foot, there’s no real cause for concern yet. Hurts dominated, D’Andre Swift was MURDERING the 49ers on the ground and through the air, and Ty’Son Williams looked electric prior to disappearing in the second half. The WR slots may prove to be inconsistent behind Sweet Feet Ridley, but this team has plenty of firepower to rack up wins.
Best Pick: D’Andre Swift
X Factor: Ty’Son Williams
Hard Woods (0-1)
The Certified L Boy, a.k.a. The Yip King, has kicked off 2021 in familiar territory. At 0-1. But I’d be willing to bet this movie ends differently than the previous installments. The OBJ transaction block was an unavoidable screwball that kept a solid week from being strong. Corey Davis, Kelce, and Miles Sanders all looked great - and we know to expect more from Najee in the future. He was the only tailback to accrue 100% of his team’s snaps on Sunday. It’s a bunk start, but a deep lineup paired with a deep bench should provide more W’s for our tolkien L Master.
Best Pick: Corey Davis
X Factor: Najee Harris
Bud Light (0-1)
Immediately after the draft, this was a top three roster for me. But a stinky Week 1 calls for a lower ranking. No reason to panic though - in fact, I’d argue the opposite is true. Stafford and Kupp are going to make for a nasty Ram stack, Keenan did his thing, and Courtland Sutton will have every opportunity to claim a higher target share with Jeudy sidelined. Not to mention, Tre Sermon could be blessing scoreboards with Mostert hitting the IR. The Aiyuk reports are unsettling, but Jones and Gibson will have brighter weeks ahead. Stay the course.
Best Pick: Matthew Stafford
X Factor: Courtland Sutton
The Steamers (0-1)
Well Bradley, I’m ranking you here only because you yourself claimed to be indifferent towards your roster. The big names didn’t show up, but they will - ARod, Diggs, and Kittle are some of the best at their positions. As for my concerns, JuJu is a pretty shaky WR2, and Javonte Williams already out-touched MG3. From my perspective, this is a solid but incomplete roster. The season is young, but it looks like there’s work to do. But hey, at least you’re really good at Beer Die!
Best Pick: George Kittle
X Factor: JuJu Smith-Schuster
