Power Rankings: Week 7
A TIE? Seriously? LOL.
We are halfway through the year, and the power hierarchy is getting awfully congested. Two elite clubs rejoined the masses following a pair of losses on Sunday, and two contenders are making a legitimate case for the crown.
Best of luck to those in contention! To those like myself who have abandoned all hope - misery loves company! Welcome aboard.
It’s Key & Peele Meme Week.
Case (5-2)
Last Week: 1st
I’m trying, guys. I’m trying to find a reason to take the crown away. Even after this stinker of a week, I’d be abandoning my journalistic integrity to give #1 to anyone else. Watson’s early departure royally boned fantasy managers across the globe, and the NFL is legit investigating the NFL as to why they didn’t disclose Bijan’s sickness. To make matters worse, Gabe Davis and Raheem Mostert both had pedestrian performances. It was a perfect storm, but the forecast is sunny and 75 for Week 8 and beyond.
Austin (4-3)
Last Week: 3rd
Let’s shake things up! Hag is just one healthy Monty away from joining Case atop the ranks. I find Pacheco’s running style to be somewhat grotesque - but I also can’t look away? You certainly can’t argue with the production. Mahomes finally put together a “Mahomes” box score, which only makes this roster more threatening. If Skinny Batman becomes a little less Alfred and a little more Robin, Stain will be leaving his mark all over Gotham City.
Bacich (5-2)
Last Week: 2nd
Let’s not overreact like an ESPN “analyst” on First Take. Sometimes good teams lose! This one happens to be extremely banged up and shorthanded. With that said, wins are going to be tougher to come by with Achane, Conner, and now Christian Watson on ice. Stay the course, ride Tyreek Hill like a horse at the Belmont Stakes, and hope to stay north of .500 by the time the star tailbacks return.
Brad (4-3)
Last Week: 7th
We may have a new contender. Before you overreact and accuse me of favoritism - I’m looking at you, Stain - let’s look at the facts. Week 7 brought an onslaught of BYEs, and it didn’t matter. This has quietly been one of the best WR rooms in the league. I’ve talked about Amon-Ra and Adam Thielen, but how ‘bout George Pickens? Yes he’s benefited from the absence of Diontae Johnson (and now Pat Freiermuth), but he’s made the most of a steady dose of targets lately. Anchored by Kelce, this club is one star tailback away from being a real problem.
Mike & Chet (4-3)
Last Week: 4th
I knew it. It was inevitable. AJ Brown’s dominant performance on Sunday Night Football was a foregone conclusion, but it still hurt to watch. Big win for another short staffed team. JSN is picking up steam, Etienne can be locked and loaded as a Top ~8 RB until further notice, and Kareem Hunt looks like a weekly FLEX. Sure glad I dropped him! Despite the drop in rankings, this is a team on the rise. If Jefferson comes back, Mike might have to buy Chet an AJ Brown jersey as a championship “thank you”.
Pete (4-3)
Last Week: 5th
Mike Evans is washed! He’s so up and down! He’s not sexy anymore! PSYCH. We’ve been talking for weeks about Pete’s roster construction; heavy on RB, light on WR. The jury is still out on Tee Higgins’ reliability, but Joshua Palmer is starting to have the looks of a steady WR3. And let me remind you, Ekeler has yet to do anything to really help this team. Once he turns things around, in the words of Gus Johnson, “WATCH OUT!”
Devon (3-4)
Last Week: 7th
See? That’s why I ranked you 10th last week. To light a fire under your ass. Do y’all remember when some of us teased Devon for dropping some major FAAB coin on Puka? I kept the receipts (see image at bottom). Who is laughing now? Money well spent. The roster is still one reliable FLEX away from being a contender, but a playoff run is very much in the cards. Maybe a healthy Khalil Herbert will be that guy.
Henry (2-4-1)
Last Week: 8th
Leave it to the soccer fan to record GLOAT’s first ever draw! Despite the bunk outcome, there’s a lot to be excited about here. Rhamondre is starting to get his act together, which validates Hank’s RB room as borderline elite. This bench needs an overhaul though. It’s borderline offensive.
Kyle (2-5)
Last Week: 6th
I’m sorry. As much as I respect the roster, I can’t keep you in the top half with that 2-5 badge on your chest. Kyle’s propensity for fantasy disappointment is unrelenting. Open your ESPN app and tell me why this team is bad. I mean it - enlighten me! It’s not the best squad in GLOAT, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this team has half as many wins as my sorry ass. Don’t worry though, there’s plenty of daylight left.
Ryan (2-4-1)
Last Week: 9th
Hey Geno! What gives? Let’s go back to the way things were in 2022! Thankfully the loss of Jerome Ford is salvageable by the presence of both Najee Harris and Zack Moss on the bench. Diggs and Kirk are quietly putting together Pro Bowl seasons, but Coop and Lockett? Bunk City!
Tom (4-3)
Last Week: 11th
Serves me right. The fragile inkling of optimism I once sheltered following the trade has been crushed like a middle school egg drop contest. The math is simple; no Fields, no Deebo, no hope. …And now I see Olave has been arrested for reckless driving! Splendid!
Cole (2-5)
Last Week: 12th
What can go wrong, will go wrong. What’s commonly referred to as Murphy’s Law, has been rebranded as Cole’s Law. Not to be confused with the cabbage dish you commonly find at your neighborhood barbecue. The roster is littered with injuries and underachieving veterans, but the rookies Addison and Rice are shaping up like big time assets.
