Power Rankings: Week 4

One month in! Things are awfully quiet….a little too quiet. Will this be the week the trade stalemate comes to an end?

Let’s shake things up a bit for Week 4.

1. Tony CocoNoMo (4-0)

   Last Week: 3rd

   Credit where credit is due. An UNDEFEATED record, and having dropped 140+ in three of four weeks, I can no longer keep Tony CocoNoMo out of the top spot. Nearly every position is a strength. 4 strong WRs, two solid tailbacks, and a reinvigorated Cordarrelle Patterson who’s been doing his best Alvin Kamara impression the past few weeks. Life is good at the top.
   

2. Peeping Toms (3-1)

   Last Week: 4th

   Boddabing, boddaboom. Love me a 160 burger. Not only is King Henry a volume monster, but now he’s a PPR threat too? DJ Moore and Diontae Johnson have been wildly efficient with the ball in their hands, and Deebo continues to lead the NFL in receiving yards. Joe Mixon is a little dinged up, and CeeDee Lamb has been unusually quiet, so the bench may need to pick up some slack sooner or later.

3. Z-Unit (4-0)

   Last Week: 1st

   It’s better to be lucky than good. Big Z was able to notch his fourth win in as many games despite failing to top triple digits. Even with the win, this was a nightmarish week for the RB room. Chris Carson is far from the fantasy bellcow we hoped he’d be, Myles Gaskin played just 12 snaps on Sunday, and while Kamara’s volume isn’t concerning - his complete lack of involvement in the passing game is pretty wack. 4-0 is 4-0, but there are some looming concerns.

4. Tua Tagovailoa (3-1)

   Last Week: 6th

   Big time win, but at what cost? The David Montgomery injury is yet another crippling charley-horse after being dealt injuries to AJ Brown and Jerry Jeudy in back to back weeks. But so far, the club has managed to overcome adversity. Great job instilling the “Next Man Up” mentality. So - who’s up next?

5. Serup In My Kupp (2-2)

   Last Week: 2nd

   Apparently last week’s power ranking hype-up was a kiss of death. There’s not much you can take away from a week like this. All you can say is “mulligan”, and tee up again for Week 5. Everyone sucked, but there aren’t many negative developments other than the continued Brandon Aiyuk saga. Sigh.

6. A Stainers (2-2)

   Last Week: 5th

   Well, Mahomes and Zeke certainly held up their end of the bargain! And it’s good to see DK and Jakobi Meyes piece together some quality box scores. But that’s where the highs stop and the lows begin. Logan Thomas pulled a hammy early, and Mike Davis is losing too many high-leverage touches to Cordarrelle Patterson. Tee Higgins needs to suit up A$AP.

7. Amar(w)i Gonna Win? (1-3)

   Last Week: 8th

   You can put it on the booooooarrrrd, yessss! It may not have been a convincing victory, but beggars can’t be choosers. Justin Jefferson has done nothing but prove his worthiness as a 2nd round investment thus far, and Darrell Henderson’s performance was a sight for sore eyes following the rib injury. The win is huge, but Josh Jacobs and Amari Cooper are going to need to play at 100% health before we can start talking about a winning record.

8. The Steamers (2-2)

   Last Week: 10th

   Our first tight margin victory of the season! It was far from a barn-burner, but The Steamers managed to walk away with a crucial W by the hair of their chinny chin chin. 2-2, and things are looking good! Jonathan Taylor got things going, Kareem Hunt has been outperforming Nick Chubb, and Marvin Jones Jr. is bound for a bigger role with DJ Chark hitting the IR. BK just needs George Kittle to take some Claritin to help with his endzone allergies.

9. Hammered Uncle Hanks (1-3)

   Last Week: 7th

   The injury bug has claimed its first real victim. CMC, Sterling Shephard, Michael Gallup, Jarvis Landry, and now DJ Chark. Thankfully, Chark is the only season-long loss amongst the group. CEH is only seeing about half of the offensive snaps in KC, but he’s certainly been making the most of it recently. At full health, this is a quality lineup - but right now the name of the game is ‘damage control’.

10. Hop On This Dick (1-3)

    Last Week: 9th

    UGH. Just one tiny Hunter Renfrow drop away from being 2-2. Nobody likes a three game skid, especially after two straight sub-100 point weeks. But this is a long season. All of a sudden this is looking like a particularly deep receiving group, one that has the potential to be ELITE if Matt Nagy starts feeding his top wideout. Saquon may officially be a top five fantasy back again, but the bench remains thin, especially at RB. There’s work to be done!

11. Hard Woods (1-3)

    Last Week: 11th

    We’re going down, down in an earlier round. But sugar we’re going down swinging! Even with a solid output from Najee Harris and some nice bounceback performances from Corey Davis and Robert Woods, it’s gonna be tough to walk away with a W when Travis Kelce and Miles Sanders combine for 10 points. For every positive story line, there’s an equally captivating negative trend - and that’s a tough place to be just one month into the season. Let’s see if Latavious Murray and Damien Williams can flip the switch for Young Wood.

12. Killing Me Swiftly (0-4)

    Last Week: 12th
    Womp womp. It’s officially spooky season in Dumpsville. The second lowest scoring team in the league knows where to point the finger though. Injuries to Julio, Dalvin, and Claypool certainly don’t help. 6th round pick Ty’Son Williams was a healthy scratch on Sunday (yikes), and Calvin Ridley hasn’t been the WR1 contender we thought he’d be. We’ve seen crazy comebacks before! 0-5 is a death wish though.