Power Rankings: Week 2

Week 2 is in the books! Three teams remain undefeated, three are winless, and the rest of the field is riding the 1-1 train. Who’s going to make a run? Who’s going to collapse? Who’s going to saddle up and make the first league-shaking trade? Only time will tell.

One thing’s for sure, there’s a hell of a lot of season left.

1. Z-Unit (2-0)

   Last Week: 1st

   It wasn’t a sexy roster on draft day, and it’s not a not a sexy roster now. But the Unit has been going hard in the paint on Sunday. I think we all discounted Adam Thielen and Brandin Cooks a tad too much coming into the season, both of whom are cushy WR1’s so far. Russ, Scary Terry, and AK alone offer enough upside alone to carry a team to victory. So after a 2-0 start, Z stays at zee top spot!

2. Peeping Toms (2-0)

   Last Week: 3rd

   Future said it best; “sensational”. Back-to-back 140 point weeks means back-to-back dubs to open up the 2021 campaign. With a roster full of projectionable volume from top to bottom, this lineup’s seemingly safe floor comes with big time upside. Deebo is shockingly leading the way in receiving yards, while Henry and Mixon are 1-2 in the league on the ground. It’s too early to get excited, but I’m excited!

3. Hammered Hanks (1-1)

   Last Week: 5th

   As a previous employer of K1 and CMC, I know good and well that those two possess enough upside to carry any one team to the promised land. Simply put, they suck to play against. And now it’s looking like Hock may be a diamond in the mid-round rough. On the other side of the same coin though, James RB1son and CEH have been disturbingly underwhelming. If those two find a way to get it rolling, Hen should be in for another big year.

4. Tony Brown Town (2-0)

   Last Week: 7th
   Maybe it was a joke - but if I’m Mr. DuFrane, I’m accepting Devon’s Justin Jefferson trade offer faster than Tyreek’s 40 time (which is pretty fast last I checked). Absolute fleece job. The equivalent of a federal bailout for drafting ANTONIO BROWN IN THE 3RD ROUND. Smh. Anyway, even after an unimpressive Week 2 win, there’s still plenty to be optimistic about. All four WR’s are drawing an impressive target load, but the dread-less Mike Williams has been the real headliner thus far.

5. Hop On This D*ck (1-1)

   Last Week: 8th

   The highest scoring team in the league through two weeks got boned on Monday night. Aaron Jones single-handedly rejected any possibility of a 2-0 start. In the words of Kevin Malone, “that’s Dallas”. The WR trio is stellar, as is Lamar Jackson in the QB slot. But Doctor…I regret to inform you that I’m not detecting a heartbeat on the bench. The reserves are shallower than spilled milk, and we’re still awaiting a fully healthy Saquon. The starting lineup carries plenty of firepower to rack up W’s, but a star injury would be a massive crow-hop uppercut to the groin.

6. Free Aiyuk (1-1)

   Last Week: 11th

   Over/Under: Cole looked at his lineup 10.5 times after putting up 158 on Bacich last week. I took the over.

   Hell, he may have even done more than “look” at his lineup. Honestly, I can’t even blame the guy. This squad is straight-up scary. There are zero weaknesses in the lineup, with viable depth on the bench. The Stafford-Kupp stack is the best in fantasy right now, and Sutton re-announced his presence in a big way on Sunday. You know the scariest part? Gibson, Aiyuk, and Pitts haven’t even done anything yet…...hey Alexa, play ‘Heatin Up (feat. Gunna)’

7. HaHa Cl*t n’ D*x (0-2)

   Last Week: 1st
   Eassssyyy there pal, whoa nelly. Slow down, slow down. Let’s not get too impulsive. It’s a long season, one game longer than last year as a matter of fact. The Jacobs and Henderson injuries are a bummer, but the premier WR trio of Adams, Jefferson, & Cooper (that sounds more like a law firm) should be more than capable of picking up the slack. Don’t flood the kitchen to put out a fire in the bedroom. On the bright side, Damien Harris is looking like a quality 6th round steal.

8. Tua Tagovailoa (1-1)

   Last Week: 4th

   Just a down week for a balanced bunch. Dak drew the short stick when Dallas decided to emphasize the rushing attack in LA, and AJ Brown / David Montgomery failed to capitalize on their impressive market shares. As a side note, I LOVE that “Mr. Let’s Keep Kickers” got a goose egg out of his on Sunday. Can’t write a better script than that. Better weeks are ahead for our Cheddar Boy, stay the course.

9. A Stainers (1-1)

   Last Week: 6th

   This is a curious lineup. Zeke’s market share isn’t concerning, but Tony Pollard has certainly been more efficient with his touches. DK has the same amount of targets as Tyler Lockett, but with far fewer points to show for it. And now Mike Davis is losing touches to Cordarrelle Patterson? I’d argue these trends are more “annoying” than “concerning”, but they’re still worth monitoring. Tee Higgins has been nice, and Javonte Williams ought to claim more of Denver’s backfield as the season moves along. No reason to panic at 1-1.

10. The Steamers (1-1)

    Last Week: 12th

    The Steamers are on the board! You can breathe a big sigh of relief now that Aaron Rodgers reminded everyone on Monday just how good he is at football. Concerns about WR depth have been pacified now that we’ve seen Hollywood Brown and Marvin Jones Jr. put up back-to-back stellar weeks, but Kittle and JT need to get things churning sooner than later. Dem stars need to carry their weight!

11. Killing Me Swiftly (0-2)

    Last Week: 9th

    Uncharted territory for Mr. Dombrowski! A regular winner finds himself in an unfamiliar 0-2 hole, but there’s a long way to go! Frankly, the betting man in me would say this roster turns things around quickly. Cook, Ridley, and Waller make for the strongest RB-WR-TE combo in this league - and have y’all seen how good D’Andre Swift has looked? Nasty stuff. With the deepest bench in the league, Ryan’s toughest decision every week may end up being who to start at FLEX. Brighter days ahead.

12. Hard Woods (0-2)

    Last Week: 10th

    Look away! Look away! Here we go again. 0-2, with the lowest scoring total in the league. Corey Davis backed up a studly Week 1 with a dud, Tannehill has gotten off to a slow start, Robby Anderson is looking like an afterthought in Carolina, and OBJ has yet to see the field. All is not lost, but we’re gonna need to see a hell of a lot more out of Najee and Robert Woods to get things started. Because right now, Travis Kelce appears to be the only reliable tool in the shed.