Power Rankings: Week 10

You can call of the hounds. I’m back.

Apologies gentlemen! Life’s been moving fast these past couple of weeks, and I’m having a difficult time processing the fact that I’m almost eligible for Medicare. Shoutout to B-Rad & Bacich, my other 30 year old geriatrics. While I’ve been out, the GLOAT has been hot! Trades galore, nonstop L’s for Ryan and I, and five clubs jostling for playoff positioning with a .500 record.

It’s time for me to clock back in. There’s work to be done.

1. Brad (8-2)

   Last Week: 1st

   Bradley has made 9 roster moves this season. Bradley has 8 wins. Call it negligence. Call it stellar draft preparation. Call it dumb luck. Bradley doesn’t care what you call it. He’s happy to ride stacked lineup all the way to a First Round BYE.

2. Chet & Mike (7-3)

   Last Week: 2nd

   TL;DR - this team is good. Ja’Marr Chase and Joe Burrow combined for 80 points last Thursday, which would have been enough to beat three entire rosters in Week 10. Kareem Hunt is playing like it’s 2018, and Drake London’s slow start is entirely forgotten now that he’s the WR4. Chet still hasn’t handed over the 2023 Championship Plaque, which makes me think he intends on keeping it after another championship sprint.

3. Hank (7-3)

   Last Week: 4th

   Remember when I offered up Brock Purdy, and you gave me my choice of Tyler Lockett or Nuk Hopkins? I’d like a do-over! This team will run as far as Saquon, JT, and Nick Chubb can take them. After back-to-back abysmal seasons, Hank is in the drivers seat again.

4. Kyle (5-5)

   Last Week: 5th

   Extend your arms. Open the hips. Pull your head. Swing for the mother f*cking fences. That’s been Harwood’s winning strategy. A playoff spot still needs to be secured, but I feel sorry for the fellow that has to match up against Breece, Kamara, Jettas, Tyreek Hill, Kyler Murray, and James Conner. Does Kyle have enough gas in the tank?

5. Pete (6-4)

   Last Week: 8th

   If Todd Bowles did his job properly and sat Chris Godwin while the game was out of reach (and thus never got hurt), Pete would have a legitimate stake at the crown. This WR quartet doesn’t exude much confidence, but hey, if one or two of those dudes can post respectable numbers while Allen/Jones/Bijan continue to do their thing - then why can’t our resident MAGA fascist shock the polls and win GLOAT’s electoral college?

6. Austin (5-5)

   Last Week: 3rd

   Ballsy trade! Departing with Jettas in favor of James Cook and Deebo is a tough pill to swallow, but you can’t argue with the improved depth. Especially now that Diontae Johnson has become hardly playable in Baltimore. With three bonafide RB1s, this roster has the upside to launch a deep playoff push. Stain just needs to secure an invite to the party first!

7. Case (5-5)

   Last Week: 9th

   The fact that Case managed to stay in the hunt while CMC rested on IR for nine weeks is deserving of a modest applause. When and IF Mike Evans comes back, this roster will look a whole lot better than the record implies. There’s work to be done, but a second championship ring isn’t out of the question.

8. Cole (5-5)

   Last Week: 6th

   In August 2024, this roster would have been the betting favorite to win it all. But with CeeDee catching passes from Cooper Rush, Olave on the sideline, and Travis Etienne being generally sucky all season long - the roster has just as much doubt as it has optimism. But not to fear! The playoffs are still very much in reach.

9. Bacich (5-5)

   Last Week: 11th

   Ahh, my birthday brother. Is the grandfather clock of life ticking loudly in your head too? You’ve made more questionable trades this year than I have wins (4). But I’ll be damned - I can’t argue with the results! If Tyrone Tracy becomes the rookie league winner that all the fantasy football pundits are talking about, and if Cedrick Tillman keeps playing like a Top 15 WR, then I don’t see why this lineup can’t push it’s way into the postseason. Mad props!

10. Tom (3-7)

    Last Week: 7th

    My greatest fear? It’s not the dark. It’s not the inevitability of time. It’s not spiders. It’s being a has-been. I fear I’ve been strangled by the mediocrity anaconda that’s been choking out Kyle for the past half decade. But I will not go into the dark. I will fight. Enjoy this moment, because 2025 will be my revenge tour.

11. Devon (2-8)

    Last Week: 12th

    You’re out of the cellar! That’s what you get for winning two of three. But with the playoffs likely out of reach, the focus become edging out Ryan and I in the race to avoid beer duty on Draft Day 2025.

12. Ryan (2-8)

    Last Week: 10th

    Full remodel indeed. The ball just didn’t bounce your way this year, buckaroo. But hey! Mark Andrews is playable again!