Power Rankings: Week 7
NEWS-FULLASH! We are halfway through the regular season. Which is fitting considering my heart is split in half - I miss you, Nico!
Before diving into the rankings, enjoy some gifs in honor of the NBA Season Opener (who cares tho).
Brad (6-1)
Last Week: 1st
Nabers moved in next door. The Kupp is full. The Ravens are ravin. Bradley is cheesin’. Let the good times roll! It would take a historic collapse for the Kelly clan to miss out on the postseason at this point. Now it’s all about securing the First Round BYE and a 25% shot at everlasting glory.
Chet & Mike
Last Week: 4th
Fine. I’ll move you up. Are you happy now? The Burrow-Chase stack is paying dividends, Kareem Hunt looks to have been a savvy pickup, and the bench is flourishing. The Burlingame Boyz are back in bizness, and bizness is boomin’.
Austin
Last Week: 5th
“If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen". - Austin to Kyle after waxing him in Week 7. How ostentatious! Get it? Austin-tacious? Top to bottom, this is one of the scariest rosters in GLOAT. If Stainer can stabilize his FLEX position, he’ll be well on his way to winning his *first championship (not including the pandemic Walmart ring).
Henry
Last Week: 2nd
In a 2024 redraft, Saquon might be the first tailback off the board. In that same imaginary exercise, Brock Bowers just might be the first TE selection. 12, 10, & 14 targets in the last three weeks? Pretty, pretty good! Anthony Richardson on the other hand, it’s been a tough watch. It’s like a Zyn addiction. Using him isn’t good for you in the long haul, but the weekly upside is just too much fun to deny.
Kyle
Last Week: 3rd
Pneumonia, huh? That’s a new one. This is a stacked roster that should have no problem racking up wins without Deebo for a week or two. Especially with Tyreek Hill’s stock soaring to new heights with Tua allegedly back in action. The problem? 3 straight Ls. It’s time to get back in the win column.
Cole
Last Week: 8th
If this were real life football, this matchup between Dr. Wattsizzle and the Burlingame Panthers would be flexed to SNF. The roster is healthier than it’s ever been, and more balanced than most. A win this week would provided a clean slate at 4-4, with plenty of room to run towards a playoff spot.
Tom
Last Week: 6th
I’m hot n’ cold on this team like a 2008 Katy Perry banger. One moment I think to myself, “this team could make a run”. Then I look again and think, “I’m lucky to have three wins”. The name of the game is stay relevant until Nico is back, and then ride the Stroud-Collins stack in the second half. Big matchup on the docket in Week 8.
Pete
Last Week: 7th
Uh oh! For a roster that was already thin on WR, the loss of Godwin (the current WR2) is gargantuan. A 4 iron straight to the groin area. Be on the lookout for Pete to go on a waiver wire shopping spree this week, because this bench is……well….lacking in the talent department. Peter ended up spending $9 on Rashod Bateman. Problem solved!
Case
Last Week: 9th
Back-to-back weeks under triple digits. Back-to-back Ws. Case has been slamming Lucky Charms and vigorously rubbing his rabbits foot. Somewhere along the way, he failed to acknowledge the lady bug that landed on his shoulder - because the Mike Evans injury stings. All eyes are on CMC and his rumored return in Week 10.
Ryan
Last Week: 10th
Mattel is on the ropes, and Harwood has the ability to deliver a knockout blow. The roster hasn’t posted 120+ points since Week 1, and even that effort was boosted by a 26-burger from the Bears D/ST. Morale may be low, but a counter jab in Week 8 would keep Ryan in the hunt while putting Kyle on round-the-clock care.
Bacich
Last Week: 11th
What is this sorcery? You trade away Mike Evans before a multi-week hammy strain and land Javonte Williams before he pops off on a career-best performance? But with DK poised to miss Week 8, Pukas’ return becomes a top priority. Oh no! You should have started him! Shoot! This next one feels like a must win in order to stay in the hunt.
Devon
Last Week: 12th
Fracking is often a hot topic during presidential election season. Devon is well versed on the issue, having recently found rock bottom.
