Power Rankings: Week 2
Stalingrad. Gettysburg. The Red Wedding. 2024 NFL Season Week 2.
This has been one of the goriest starts to fantasy football in recent memory. Cooper Kupp, A.J. Brown, CMC, Puka Nacua, Isiah Pacheco, Kenneth Walker, Tee Higgins, Deebo Samuel, Tua Tagovailoa, Keenan Allen, Jordan Love, Evan Engram - the list goes on and on. Those names alone would make for a pretty killer lineup.
But hey - next man up!
Which reminds me, I’ll be taking a BYE next week in favor of some work travel. And since Kyle was sooooo eager to read last week’s rankings, he’s generously offered to fill in for me next week! Everyone say, “thank you, Kyle!”. We greatly look forward to reading your analysis!
Kyle (2-0)
Last Week: 3rd
All good things must come to an end. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but Kyle’s days of fantasy inadequacy might finally be behind him. The team name is ass, but the boys have been posting some serious numbers. Cook, Breece, and Kamara combined for 8 touchdowns on Sunday, and Kyler scurried his way to a perfect QBR later that afternoon. Look, a 170 point explosion is almost always going to earn the #1 spot. But now that Deebo will be missing time, the WR situation is worth monitoring.
Henry (2-0)
Last Week: 2nd
The top two teams in this week’s write-up are constructed very similarly. Three workhorse RBs, a high-ceiling QB with rushing upside, and a stable yet somewhat questionable trio of wideouts. Zay Flowers’ utilization tells me that he was an absolute steal on draft day. But on the other side of the same coin, through four combined games, Diggs & McConkey have combined for 3 TDs (yay), but only 135 receiving yards (boooo). On a more positive note, few TE’s are shining brighter than Brock Bowers right now. Heading into Week 3, all eyes will be on Rachaad White’s groin…..pause….resume!
Tom (1-1)
Last Week: 5th
The closing arguments have been heard, and the jury has reached a verdict: this team is guilty of being so, so sick. The Stroud & Collins stack is currently the best in the biz, Conner & Rhamondre might be boring but they’re awfully effective, and Mason will be a bonafide top ten RB for the foreseeable future. And then there’s that guy CeeDee. If Aiyuk and LaPorta get rollin’, well, that would just make me really happy. How are we feelin’ boys? You getting a little uneasy? A little restless? A little queasy at the thought of Tommy 3-Times?
Brad (2-0)
Last Week: 1st
Like a good Naber, Malik is there! After a modest Week 1 statline, the rook from LSU drew 18 targets and a gargantuan 64% target share on Sunday. Pretty, pretty good! Kinda reminds me of a target hog named Cooper Kupp - who just so happened to roll an ankle the other day. TeaKupp is likely headed to the IR, and that’s bad news for Bradley. All of a sudden, like a scuba diver running out of oxygen, depth has become a concern. Dobbins and King Henry continue to carry their weight, but the Jets WR1 needs to lock in if BK plans to sustain this momentum.
Ryan (2-0)
Last Week: 4th
So what the hell is up with the league-wide low passing numbers? Jake from State Farm’s pal has been no exception, as Mahomes’ air yards per attempt is a measly 3.5 - no bueno for the third QB off the board. This is far from the sexiest RB staff in the league, but hey, results are results. Volume is king, and it always will be. For as long as Jordan Love is on the shelf, Green Bay will be living by the credo of Death, Taxes, & Josh Jacobs. You know it’s coming, but they're going to run the ball anyway.
Pete (2-0)
Last Week: 6th
The scoring isn’t coming in droves, but the W’s sure are! Aaron Jones and Bijan look bigtime, and Chris Godwin isn’t just playing well - he’s the WR1! Top dawg! Ridley has been flashy and we can’t indict Olave until the Saints play a competitive game - but the townsfolk are sounding the alarms in Pitty City. There might be a hole at TE on this roster, but then again, nearly every single one of us has a gaping tight end hole (pause).
Devon (0-2)
Last Week: 8th
Listen, you deserve better. Jordan Love, Keenan Allen, and Evan Engram all missed Week 2, and everyone’s favorite Rubbing Back Enthusiast still managed to piece together a quality 125 point performance. Only two teams scored higher last week, and one of them just so happened to be the opponent. Brutal. But hey, Marv is BACK. Crashee Rice is in cruise control. Gibbs and Achane are worth their weight and gold, and look at Baker! Finally living up to those State Farm commercials. Just imagine what this roster can look like if Tank Dell becomes Tank Macbook Pro.
Austin (1-1)
Last Week: 7th
Kicking off the season with back-to-back weeks under 100 points wasn’t mentioned on Stain’s preseason script. But hey, owning a 1-1 record is better than a poke in the eye! The fact of the matter is, the offensive output will look a hell of a lot better once Caleb Williams acclimates to the NFL (which will simultaneously raise DJ Moore’s value). Until then - Kittle, Kyren, Mixon, and Jettas will need to carry the load. Like the former orange president, those last two dudes dodged a major bullet on Sunday, being that their respective injuries appear to be minor.
Chet & Mike (0-2)
Last Week: 9th
Ahhh sweet relief. There’s the Joe Burrow that Mike loves so much. But wait - where’s Ja’Marr? His lackluster start becomes even more perilous following Isiah Pacheco’s broken fibula. Tony Pollard and Devonta Smith have been true saviors, while Drake London and Xavier Worthy have been dice rolls. One (or both) of those two will need to step up while Pacheco rests up on the IR. I’ll leave you with this - screw you and your Kareem Hunt pickup. You must have been 30 seconds ahead of me.
Bacich (0-2)
Last Week: 10th
Rashid Shaheed is no Puka Nacua, but few dudes have a higher upside (albeit with a pretty low floor). Even with the second year standout’s absence, this is a strong WR grouping. The glaring problem has been the backfield. The starting RBs have combined for just 25.9 points across four combined games. De’Von Ache had 26 himself in Week 2. Not ideal! Up next is an opponent who's also been deprived of their 2nd round pick.
Cole (0-2)
Last Week: 11th
Bloody, broken, and bruised. Despite the winless start, it's hard to indict a roster that’s been deprived of three players drafted in the first four rounds. A.J. Brown and Kennth Walker are both primed to miss an extended period of time, so The Commish needs to find answers elsewhere before things get out of hand. In other bunk news, D’Andre Swift has notched 72 total yards on 28 opportunities, good for 2.7 yards per touch. Oooof.
Case (0-2)
Last Week: 12
Case, look away. This first part isn’t going to be constructive.
Alright, now that Case isn’t looking - I don’t know how you could possibly draw up a worse start. CMC out for 6+ weeks, Waddle catching passes from Skylar Thompson (or Tyler Huntley), and Travis Kelce & Terry McLaurin both on the side of a milk carton.
Alright, Case - you can tune back in. The outlook is bleak, but the night is young. All it takes is one or two shrewd moves on the waiver wire or at the trade table to turn this ship around.
