Power Rankings: Week 6
Fantasy football is so dumb.
I wasted a good thirty minutes of my Saturday morning doing an analytic deep dive to determine if I should start Keenan Allen or Dontayvion Wicks. I could have broadened my horizons by reading a book. A quick meditation. A LinkedIn Learning course, for crying out loud! But nope - I decided to waste my time instead.
The metrics told me to go with Wicks, so I did. By the time I woke up on Sunday morning, Keenan Allen had already scored 2 TD’s in London. A few hours later, Wicks was pulled from the game in the first half after getting a booboo on his shoulder. I repeat, fantasy football is so dumb.
But it’s also fun. Enjoy your Week 6 Power Rankings, gentlemen.
Brad (5-1)
Last Week: 3rd
Okay everyone. Pay attention to what I’m about to say. It’s August 2025 and you’re on the toilet doing a mock draft. You then think to yourself, “yeah, I definitely want to target [SEXY RB NAME] over Derrick Henry”. Do yourself a favor and ignore that instinct. Bury it. Because it’s wrong. This man leads the NFL in rushing yards and has 9 TDs through 6 weeks. 30 is the new 20. [Yeah I’m almost 30, what’s your point?]
Brad continues to ride the Ravens to a cozy 5-1 record, and the rest of the roster is shaping up nicely as well. Keep in mind, he’s doing all of this without Nabers and Kupp.
Henry (5-1)
Last Week: 1st
You sheister, you. In a week where the Hanks were plagued by injury, the replacements prevailed in a nailbiter - led by the likes of Diggs, Flowers, and Bowers. Doesn’t that sound like the character set of a Super Mario game? Rachad White is banged up and seemingly losing his claim to the #1 job in Tampa Bay, but Nick Chubb (2023 GLOAT Champion) is BACK in Week 7. How will Henry play it?
Kyle (3-3)
Last Week: 2nd
Ohhhhh sureeeeeeeee, James Cook. I can only assume that was Kyle’s reaction to his surprise inactive status on Monday night. This team is way too talented to be 3-3. If Harwood can stay in the playoff hunt (which he should), and if Tua returns in the second half of the season to restore Tyreek Hill’s value, we could be looking at the 2024 GLOAT Champ. Ohhhhhh suurrrrreeee.
Chet & Mike (4-2)
Last Week: 4th
Well, they won this week - so I assume Chet is reading this? Let’s find out. Hey Chet, how many cats did you save this week? Hey Mike, Cole told me that Brett Berghammer was a way better CF than you at Skyline.
Back to business. This is the hottest team in the yearbook, with a premier WR trio and plenty of serviceable RBs to go around. Who needs the ground stomper anyway?
Austin (4-3)
Last Week: 5th
Let me set the stage for you. Stain’s team was projected to STINK last week (like when you leave a basketball jersey in the washer for too long). Jettas and Kyren are both on BYE, so the boys are projected for a measly 102 points. But out of nowhere, Tyler Allgeier garners 19 touches en route to 19.3 points, Caleb Williams and his nail tech ball out in LondonTown, and George Kittle continues his reign of terror. With a strong record and an equally strong roster, Stainer is leaving his mark on the league yet again.
Tom (3-3)
Last Week: 6th
I’m told that the miracle of childbirth is painful. I’m here to tell you that it’s nowhere near as painful as losing to Henry by 0.4 points during SNF. I was haunted by his notorious cackle as soon as my head hit the pillow that night.
For a team chockfull of Pro Bowl talent, there sure are a lot of questions. RB depth remains a strength, but it’s increasingly apparent that Nico’s injury is, well, pretty unchill.
Pete (3-3)
Last Week: 7th
I sense that Peter is starting to stress up there in the NorthWest! I’m not signaling a 129 code over the radio just yet. By the grace of Chris GODwin, Michael Pittman has seemingly avoided the IR as he surprisingly suited up on Sunday and found paydirt. Unfortunately, Olave is primed to miss Week 7. A healthy week of practice from Aaron Jones should do wonders for Pete’s stress level. You can holster your weapon, officer. No one is in danger, yet.
Cole (2-4)
Last Week: 11th
Lucky duck. A Tyler Bass 25 yard field goal proved to be the difference maker on MNF during a must-win game (we need to ban kickers). 1-5 would have been close to insurmountable, while 2-4 is much more manageable. This roster is finally healthy and ready to make some noise. But with a team name like Round Table Pizza, one has to assume that they’ll be eliminated in the playoffs and then 20 years later claim that “iN 2005 wE WeRe ThE bEsT tEaM iN hMb MaJoRs”.
“Bobby Vasquez’s curveball was nasty.” - Cole, literally all the time.
Case (3-3)
Last Week: 9th
Remember the Great Depression of 2024? That same roster is now 3-3 and is pulling out fortuitous victories despite posting just 92 points. Luck > talent. But hey, this roster is going to look far more talented if/when any of the following happen:
CMC overcomes his bum achilles
Davante Adams decides he wants to play football again gets over his tight hamstring [he’s cured now that he’s a Jet!]
Tua returns and makes Jaylen Waddle a WR2 again
If those things happen, Case could make a serious run with this lineup.
TRADE ANALYSIS: Good job.
Ryan (2-4)
Last Week: 8th
Is Mark Andrews…back? Still, his 14 point outburst was nowhere near enough for Ryan to triumph over his opponent on Sunday. Ryan placed a big bet when he shipped Tyreek Hill, Christian Kirk, David Montgomery, and Davante Adams away for improved roster depth. At first glance, I want to say that it won’t pay off. But then again - who knows when or where we’ll see Davante Adams again [spoiler alert: he’s going to play for the Jets on Sunday]. And Tyreek’s upside will only be unlocked when and if Talk Tua comes back.
Bacich (2-4)
Last Week: 10th
Like a desolate small town with no fast food sandwich chains, this roster has no Arby’s (RBs). No Bacich, you do not have the meats. If Brian Robinson is out for an extended period of time, this beef could spoil quickly.
TRADE ANALYSIS: Bad job.
Devon (0-6)
Last Week: 12th
Here’s the gameplan. Win out. Ready? Break!
Plan B? Draft less attitude in 2025.
